i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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