The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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