Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
