Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
