im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
