Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
