the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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