Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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