I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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