Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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