I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
