Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
