I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
