I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
