a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
