sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
