My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
