remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
