I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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