Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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