What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
