I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
