In the future we'll all be gay
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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