Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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