Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
