You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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