my mouth tastes like poor choices
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
