I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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