I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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