As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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