I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
