Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
