Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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