My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
