My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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