"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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