So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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