Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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