Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
