I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
two words...techno handjob
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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