Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
