Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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