2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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