did you get engaged???
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
