its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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