Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
