the day after is always just damage control
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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