The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
