Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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