in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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