Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
