the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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