i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
