something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
