i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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