I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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