I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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