Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My day in three words: secret purse cake
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
